Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
