tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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