I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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