you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
