i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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