Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize