My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
