Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
