i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize