That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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