I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
