I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
