Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
