By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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