the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
