I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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