Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
