I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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