even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
