so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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