We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
