Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
