Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
