it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
