i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
