So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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