He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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