like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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