you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
