I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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