I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
