Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
