I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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