i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
