Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
