I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
