Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
