So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
