since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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