I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The adults are the big ones right?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
