just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
