he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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