He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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