I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
