I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
