you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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