; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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