help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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