I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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