So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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