i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
