he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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