Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
