his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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