does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Randomize
