I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
