Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
