i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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