GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
