Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Hippo gnu deer
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
