I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
