Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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