I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
