Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
