she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
