he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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