Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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